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3 min read Perspective

on listening & knowing 📖

“You may think that in everyday life, the things you see and hear influence what you feel, but it’s mostly the other way around: What you feel alters your sight and hearing.”
— Lisa Feldman Barrett

☁️ life seasons

I have barely sat down to write anything this year. I’ve been meaning to, but life’s been full. Not in a bad nor good way. Just full. In motion.

A living room filled with furniture and lots of windows
Photo by jennifer uppendahl / Unsplash

Lately, I’ve been noticing how people in my life seem to be in such different seasons. I talk to someone I haven’t seen in a while and realize they’re navigating something I didn’t expect. And then I look at my own life and realize, I’m also in a different chapter too than we last talked.

Some friends are rebuilding. Some are caregiving. Some are chasing dreams. Some are resting. Some are in love. Some are in between.

Somewhere in all of that, I'm starting to notice a growing desire: I want to be someone who shows up. Not just for myself, but for others.

I’ve never really considered that as one of my primary drivers.

I used to think my driving question was only:
Would I look back to this moment and be happy with the choices I made?

And I still ask myself that like it's a routine.

But now I also ask:
Am I showing up well for the people in my life?

man in brown jacket sitting on green grass field during daytime
Photo by Ada Matican / Unsplash

I think one of the holiest thing we can do in this God-given life is to be present, with where we are and with where others are. To go through each season fully—not rush it, not skip ahead.

Ten years ago, I would’ve been overwhelmed by how fast life is changing for people around me. But somehow, I’m not. Maybe because I’m not trying to keep up nor holding on to moments tightly.

I’m just trying to be here.
To be present.
For myself.
For the people I love.
For whatever chapter this is.

🧠 How to Know a Person

I didn't know what to read at the start of the year.

While searching, I came across Bill Gates' recommended reading list which included "How to Know a Person" by David Brooks. The book explores the art of understanding others and forming deeper connections.

There’s a part where the book talks about how we all go through different life tasks, and the key to really knowing someone is noticing which task they’re in now—not which one we assume they’re in, or wish they were in.

“...if you want to understand someone well, you have to understand what life task they are in the middle of and how their mind has evolved to complete this task.”
— David Brooks

The book shares some of the life tasks we might find ourselves in:

  • Imperial Task – establishing a sense of agency and competence
  • Interpersonal Task – focusing on social identity and intimacy
  • Career Consolidation – striving for mastery and self-control in one's vocation
  • Generative Task – contributing to the next generation and society
  • Integrity vs. Despair – reflecting on life with a sense of fulfillment or regret

What makes this framework valuable is understanding that people in different tasks have different needs.

These aren’t steps. They don’t go in order. Some people loop. Some skip. But it helped me look at people with a little more softness. A little more curiosity.

“The quality of your life depends quite a bit on the quality of attention you project out onto the world.”
— David Brooks

🗞️ listening & reading

Here are some warm articles to read + captivating episodes to listen to that stood out to me the past months:

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